How Do You Make Sure You Don't Drift Apart?
At the start of a relationship, all you can think about is your new flame. It’s the first thing on your mind when you wake up, and for the rest of the day you can’t wait to see the other person again. But as time goes on, the relationship changes. The excitement of the beginning fades, and amid all the hecticness of family, work, and social life, you start taking the other person for granted. Before you know it, you’re living past each other. This can happen unnoticed, but it can also come with irritation or arguments. Time to give your relationship the attention it deserves.
Make time
Not having time is usually an illusion. In the first years, you also do everything you can to spend those few hours together. Once children or a hectic job have entered the picture, there may be less time available. That’s exactly when it’s important to find that old mindset again and make the relationship a priority once more.
The key is communication
The key here is communication. When you know your partner well, you know how to make that person happy and what they’re interested in. That also makes it easier to fill the time you have together in a meaningful way. The reverse is true as well, of course. By being clear about your needs, interests, and desires, you give your partner the chance to respond to them.
A new phase of life
When you find yourself in a new phase of life, you can change without noticing. After having children, you suddenly have a new role — that of parent. But from that role, it can be difficult to also give enough attention to your partnership. Living past each other is then quick to lurk. It’s important to realize that this new phase of life is also a chance to get to know each other again. By really paying attention to each other again and being curious about each other’s inner world, your relationship can fully blossom again.
Intimacy
Intimacy, too, plays an important role in a meaningful relationship. Living past each other often means that sex falls by the wayside or decreases in frequency. It’s useful to realize that you don’t necessarily need to have sex very often for a valuable sex life, but that there does need to be attention for the quality of intimacy. This makes both partners feel seen and loved, and it opens the door to intimacy in other areas too, such as the emotional realm.
Honest with yourself
Making something a priority sometimes also means sacrifices have to be made. If you notice that you structurally have too little time to invest in your relationship, that might be because you don’t feel the need for it. Or you’re not willing to make concessions to the life you led without a partner, but that’s not fair to the other person. Do you work so much because you don’t feel much like being home? Do you spend a lot of time with family and friends because you don’t (or no longer) enjoy being with your partner? Daring to be honest with yourself is an important step toward change.
Loveworkx
Paying more attention to your relationship may sound simple, but in practice it’s usually not easy. Sometimes it can be that one partner doesn’t want to change, or that disagreement arises about what needs to happen. Relationship therapy at Loveworkx can help you find a solution together by looking realistically at the situation. Through concrete assignments, you can work toward a loving, fulfilling relationship. That way you come out stronger, whatever the outcome.
Bio
Jacqueline Evers is a relationship therapist who helps couples build a loving, fulfilling relationship instead of a bitter and costly divorce. Over the past 18 years, she has helped more than 1,450 people through individual and relationship therapy. 80% of relationships improve. With her book ‘Cheating. Moving Forward Together in 5 Steps’, she offers couples affected by infidelity a new way of loving. She works from her practice in Almere and online, and is regularly heard on NPO1 radio. Check out the Loveworkx YouTube channel too, and subscribe to receive regular practical tips to make your relationship better. The Loveworkx podcasts can be heard on Spotify, among other platforms.