Is It Time to Start Working on Your Love Life?
Have you ever thought about what grade you’d give your relationship? Looking at it as a whole, can you confidently give it a solid pass? No? You’re really not the only one. Clichés exist for a reason: over time, the spark does fade a little. And a six is at least a passing grade, good enough not to walk away from, right? Or… you choose action, and refuse to settle for a relationship that scores lower than an eight.
Excitement doesn’t last forever
Cast your mind back to that first period. It may seem far away now that you know each other so well, but at a certain point a smile would appear on your lips just from hearing his name. You wanted to spend the whole day in bed with her. You could hardly talk about anything other than the other person. Every touch was an electric shock through your body, every advance a delightful confirmation of mutual attraction. Of course that can’t last forever. Familiarity may breed affection, but it also makes things a lot less exciting.
Two separate tracks
After the all-consuming passion of the beginning, a period begins in which you build a future together. And by now the focus is on career and family. Of course that’s an important factor that can create connection, but unfortunately sex just isn’t much of a priority right now. You’re simply tired in the evening. Mornings are rush hour. On weekends you’re not in the mood. She always wants the same thing. He never wants to cuddle first. Instead of a couple charting a course together, it slowly starts to look like you’re running on two parallel, but truly separate, tracks.
Recognizable signals
When you’re both thundering along on your own track, it can take quite a while before you realize something isn’t going well. Suddenly a moment arrives where you stop and realize you no longer feel happy in the relationship. But do you recognize yourself in any of the signals below?
- You hear your partner talking, but meanwhile your head is somewhere completely different
- You’re irritated by things you used to find charming about the other person
- You have a need for intimacy, but don’t feel like it with your partner
Settling for “good enough”
Of course you can accept giving your relationship a six. Indeed, it’s a passing grade. But do you find “good enough” sufficient for something that defines your life? Do you agree to spending your precious time on something or someone that no longer energizes you? And note: if you don’t agree with that, it doesn’t mean you have to throw in the towel right away. Recognizing a problem actually means you can start doing something about it. That you’re going to work to preserve that spark, that you catch fire again.
What can you do?
Relationship therapy is often used as a last resort, but flip that around. Relationship therapy is a way to bring your relationship from a 6 to an 8. It’s nice, then, to be able to get to work with concrete tools. The Loveworkx method offers these tools. By making clear what’s at the root of the relationship problems, and then taking clear steps in the right direction, you work together on concrete change. Do you dare to confront your relationship? Then take the test to discover whether it’s time to start working on your love life.
Bio
Jacqueline Evers is a relationship therapist who helps couples build a loving, fulfilling relationship instead of a bitter and costly divorce. Over the past 18 years, she has helped more than 1,450 people through individual and relationship therapy. 80% of relationships improve. With her book ‘Cheating. Moving Forward Together in 5 Steps’, she offers couples affected by infidelity a new way of loving. She works from her practice in Almere and online, and is regularly heard on NPO1 radio. Check out the Loveworkx YouTube channel too, and subscribe to receive regular practical tips to make your relationship better. The Loveworkx podcasts can be heard on Spotify, among other platforms.